man i dunno why she keeps getting to me. I dunno why even though I know I shouldn't and should try and move on and not put this on hold, I still just stop the world for her or I just pause when I think of her. I dunno, she is putting me through this and what do I have to show for it?? Nothing just headaches and worries , disillusion of what was and could be, a broken heart. I mean what the fuck!! And it just pistes me off that for the first time in my life its taking me a long time to try and not think of something or let it dwell in me for long. Had this been the old me I would have moved on a long time ago. Im just frustrated with this whole thing and upset that one i didn't see it comming, that its out of my hands, and that its still bothering the hell out of me when i thought i was finally starting to look ahead. I mean i go and have fun with friends and other girls but still, why is this still so fresh in my head and i feel like since it happened i'm numb to anything else out there even though im trying to get out there and somehow past this. I get so mad at myself, cause i mean i tell her to figure her shit out and have given her shit for not knowing and being "confused", yet at the same time i can seem to handle this shit and i don't know what to do. At the same time I feel like im being more of the mature one here and actually thinking about it and trying to figure it out and she is being selfish and immature about the whole thing you know. AHHHHH!!!!! fuck!! I don't even know what to do with myself right now! I just gotta stop doing things for her, gotta stop thinking about her, gotta try and get the most beautiful eyes i have seen out of my god dam head! Not to forget but to keep me sane!! why??? WHY????